Hollywood Teasze Interview & Tour Diary

Germany's finest glamdolls are preparing for their next battle. Target: the world. Lethal Weapon: Their forthcoming second album. Hollywood Teasze established themselves with "Glamdolls in Toyland" as one of the most promising glampoppunk bands. A whole world of punks is waiting with a great deal of enthusiasm for their new material. Glam & Glitzine contacted Vocalist/guitarist Frank. E. Lee to feel the pulse.

G&G: Where, when and why did Hollywood Teasze form?


Hollywood Teasze was formed in 1991 by Chris Lakriz. Of course this all happened within the borders of our nice little town Kempten where you have this fantastic view at the alps - what really can make you feel sick one day - I mean, lookin' at those mountains the whole day. So it was time to change this situation and HT got formed.

G&G: Have any of you been in some previous bands?

Of course we all played in different bands before. Where as Andi played (some might know) w/ the fantastic Babydolls, the AstroVamps, JaimzGang and many more, even I don't know. Chris played w/ a real underground band, I unfortunately forgot the name. And I was together w/ a band called Argos Eyes - a real thrashy kinda AC/DC stylish band. Not really good, but we all thought we're gonna be the next big thing, what obviously didn't happen.

G&G: Why glam? Which are your influences?How was it like, being a glamband in Germany where the scene is pretty dead?

Well, I guess at a certain time we thought some bits in our life - what did happen in a very German manner so far - have to be changed. So I guess we've been the first real glam-punk band in our area what didn't mean to be more accepted by our environment. One day come over to Germany and check out those - narrow minded, serious looking, 'I_don't_give_a_f..k_'bout_others' - people. Well you have two choices: Be the same idiot or change that in a less or more freaky way. So the influences are very obvious, it is the whole f..kin' country!! I have to say that you can easily imagine how it was and still is by watching our biography. It took us quite a while to get this good response - talkin' about 7 !! years. And our local scene hasn't been into helping us, even worse - every single one wanted to see us dead.

4) How would you describe your developement from your first demo to your debutcd?

Technically I would ask you, what do you expect from a punk band? We know our three chords - but we know 'em very well. But I think the arrangements of those chords got better and better. But to be honest, I think we reached most at this certain point when we released the debut 'GIT'. But this progress is not meant to be finished.

G&G: Today, when you probably have got a perspective on things, are you  satisfied with "Glamdolls in Toyland"? What was good and what could > you've done better?

I was and still am satisfied, even though I listened to it more than a thousend times. I really loved the way we recorded the cd in Alabama, though I think with another week, or so, the whole mastering could have done better. But for lowest a production, we got so good reviews in all kinds of media, that no one can say we missed the aim. But as well we learned some in addition for our upcomming albums, of course.To sum it up: The cd is quite brill, but a bit too flat, if you know what I mean.

G&G: You changed drummer during this period, how's that affected Hollywood Teasze?

Oh, it affected the whole band big times. Not only that Andi's without a doubt a fantastic drummer, what of course changed our kinda musical style in a way. But we all have to live with the fact that Andi's still living in London, and therefor he's always doin' the trip between GER und the UK. This affects our wallets as well as our way to arrange shows and work on songs. The whole thing also affected the long period between the debut release and the follow up, we're going to record pretty soon, as we all didn't really know how to deal w/ the new situation. The most perfect thing on it is the second headquarters in England right now.

G&G: Your second cd, long-awaited among glamfans, is on it's way. Have you progressed in any way? My opinion is that the new material is a bit more mature, do you agree?

That is exactly my point of view. The new stuff, I think, integrates a larger variety of differnet styles and 'moods'. No doubt, we're still a funny band but w/ a bit more serious background. The whole album will be a big satire on the way life goes from a very personal point of view. And I think the songs right now are more bly connected to the related lyrics.

G&G: When can we expect your new cd?

We'll be in the studio in Feb., so hopefully by March it's gonna be out. Cross fingers!

G&G: What do you wish to accomplish with it?

What an easy question - gettin' rich and famous. Therefor I have to tell everyone out there:Support us bum musicians on our way and buy not only one of our cd's - buy a package of five and get one free!!!
Honestly, we're looking forward to get a distribution contract w/ a smaller midrange rec. company. But of course I'd love to shake hands w/ Mr. Geffen one day.
But priority one is to satisfy all our fans all over the world, even though it's not a million. But these special people are desperately need to be supplied w/ new material from Hollywood Teasze.

G&G: I know that you've toured a lot. What is Hollywood Teasze'z relation to the clubscene and playing live? Any Stagestories you'd like to share?

The point is, that we are more eager playin' live than recording songs in a sterile studio. We are a freaky live band. Anyone who's seen us before would agree. Of course there's ups and downs but we simply love it. The whole variety of one show with no guests to the other one sold out gives you the impression and the feeling to either be more b on what you do or just be pleased.
With regard to the subject stage stories I can tell you that the whole tour w/ Captain Sensible und his Punk Floyd was the most funny and freaky story itself to be read in the tour diary of the mad cows w/ German support.

[Read Hollywood Teasze's tour diary]

G&G: Anthing you think Glam & Glitzine's readers oughta know?

Michael would say: I love you all. - what is basically bollocks, 'cause you can only love someone, you deeply know. So I' d like to say: Get in touch with us, come to our shows, buy our stuff - then we know you better and due to that we can also work on the LOVE thing. Check our stuff at http://members.aol.com/teasze and/or drop me some lines at LADiddy@online-service.de
You might also wanna check the following addresses:

http://www.cdart.com
http://ticktack.net

And finally thanks to Andreas from Glam And Glitzine for stayin' in contact with me and featuring us !!!!
ABC-Yo !

Frank EEE. for Hollywood Teasze

HOLLYWOOD TEASZE
c/o Frank E. Guitar
URL: http://members.aol.com/teasze
Tel.: 0049 8346 - 736
Email: LADiddy@online-service.de
Eichenweg 9 / 87668 Rieden / Germany

Hollywood Teasze's Tour Diary

Day 1 (Monday, 5th)

Andi arrived at Dave's and so did the rest of the "Punk Floyds". They all went to Dave's local pub and had a lotta drinks there. After wakin' up at 5.00am they headed to Dover - straight on the fairy ( and of course the Duty Free Shop supplied 'em with 2 crates of that fine STELLA they should not see for the next 3 weeks). They had an incredibly long journey to Kempten. When they finally arrived at Chris', they had spent 'bout 18 hours in the van.

Day 2 (Tuesday, 6th)

This was a day off (and guess what they did the whole f..kin' day (you know, Bavaria is well known for its great beer).

Day 3 (Wednesday, 7th)

CAPTAIN arrived at the venue and was very pissed off, 'cause Richard (their merchandise-dude, bus driver & obviously good friend) and Chris weren't able to pick him up at Munich airport at the right time, so that he had to wait for 'bout 30min's. Well that meant a 200,-DM's fine for the band ! The gig went pretty good for both bands (like 'bout 150 spectators, what meant sold out at this venue). Our good old friend JACKY was very much involved in the whole kinda party, so most of us guys blanked out and crashed at Chris'. Only CAPTAIN left way earlier and stayed at Sandra's house (a good friend of our band).

Day 4 (Thursday, 8th)

We all went to the Austrian border in Reute with the two vans and OF COURSE they wanted to fuck with us! Andi just told 'em, it's gonna be a waste of time, 'cause we're stupid, but not THAT stupid.

Unfortunately meanwhile they already fucked with the CAPTAIN's crew and took their van into pieces. They got lucky and found a big lump of hashish, that Richard had forgotten. He just bought it the evening before. When the border control cops asked him to empty his pockets, he realized that something's goin' totally wrong. So he figured the only way out is to hide it under his belt, but unfortunately he wasn't able to do so, 'cause it was way too tight (fat bastard!). So he just kept it in his hand. And that was basically it - they found it. He got handcuffed and was taken away for a few hours. Afterwards we felt really bad for him, imagine the fine (not from the border control, more from CAPTAIN !).

The venue was pretty cool, but unfortunately when we were supposed to play (at 'bout 9.00pm) there was no people! So we've been waiting until 9.30 and... ...it was packed !! We won 'em over by the third/fourth song and they really LUUVED us! The crowd was screaming for an encore for like 5min's until CAPTAIN ordered us to do another one. And we did, and they loved us even more. Also CAPTAIN'n'CREW did a great, fuckin' awesome job until the point... ...when Chris got involved. We couldn't believe it seein' Chris entering the stage, totally waysted, fuckin'n'smashin' up all Captain's, Dave's, Mounty's and Gary's gear. And he pissed off all of 'em that much, except for CAPTAIN (surprise, surprise !), , that Gary started to, let's say UN-BUILD his drum kit. Finally everything was totally smashed up - out of control anarchy punk ! Got so waysted!!!

After the show, when the club was almost empty we had a good boogie (without blood) on the dancefloor. Later this evening everyone left to their hotels, after (OF COURSE) Hollywood Teasze finally got the results at 'bout 5.00am in the morning, which hotel the promoter booked for them. We got lucky, that no cops were around (well we had to drive for something like 5min's; but it seemed to be hours). We checked in and started again pissing off everyone, especially the poor guy at the reception and then our next door neighbors. It all came to the point that this reception-dude called in 3min's later, fuckin' upset, and asked us (still very polite but in a very matter of fact way !) to shut the fuck up. Chris got pissed off 'bout him and wanted, as a revenge, to through the Telly out of the window (punky idiot,'t he?). But Franky calmed him down and all three of them only fucked the remote control!

Day 5 (Friday, 9th)

We wanted to pick up 'em PF-guyz from their hotel right in the center of Innsbruck, but some of 'em were still asleep. So we decided to park the van at a bus station (w/ the emergency indicators on), what again pissed off a bunch of people (imagine all of 'em bus-drivers!). It came out that we had to wait for C. and band for the next !21/2!! hours. Manne, our kinda Richard, started a cool jam w/ the accoustic guitar, and he looked so much like a bum, that Andi gave him his glamour-hat... ...and!!! an old lady appeared givin' him 5 Schillings (not even 1/2 a dollar, cheap bitch!!!). A couple of minutes later Dave appeared trying the same as well, but got no luck, even if he tried to follow some people w/ the accoustic guitar in the hand and the blues in his heart.

After Mounty was found (cruisin' around) we all headed for the A/D-border again... ...and, NO WAY, they fucked us again, even when they noticed that we are the same guyz from yesterday (?How stupid can you be?). One of 'em cops (what a dig-head) asked Chris to ask Captain to ask Richard, if he has drugs on board again. Richard told Captain told Chris told this stupid wanker - an unexpectably NO! And he believed in him him him. But they didn't believe in the Hollywood Teasze van, and somehow I've got in my mind they've been searchin' for drugs but you might call me wrong! The whole ceremony was kept on video by candid-camera-man Sir Dangerous Dave.
Right after the border control we all decided to have a nice trip on a cable car (you wouldn't believe, but there's plenty of 'em in the alps). And I tell you what - it was horrible (for ME and CAPTAIN) - but all others were really pleased. Had a few drinks (and we both needed 'em so bad) on the top of the mountain and after a short snow-ball fight we went the way back. The scenery was wonderfull beautifull and we got trapped in a big snow storm what, I guess, made this fuckin' cable car stopping for a while (beast!). Well from this point I decided for myself not to try a ride on a cable car in future time again. We all went to Ulm, and were of course very late. The shows were really good again and Dave WANTED and GOT revenge from the day before. Right at the end of our set Chris got covered in fizzy-wine and by falling over backwards he smashed up the whole drum kit AGAIN! But I guess, Gary's drum kit is un-killable (Asta la vista, babe!).

Well, I totally blanked out and can't remember any more (this evening two of 'em JackDaniels-bottles were involved).

ULM supplement (coz Frank E. was so waysted):

Mind you I've not exactly been T-Total at all. In fact we'd been loosing it so much, Franky and me (Andi) decided on memory points, where we'd really try hard to fix on a cool point (or many) in the evening so it would be easier to remember. Of course it didn't work. So we decided next time to write shit down and check out what went wrong on the night before. Anyways, Ulm, Frank E. was out of control table dancing during the Captain's set (got some great pix).

Day 6 (Saturday, 10th)

We all woke up in a private house. And it was unbelievably trashed up. Guess, all of 'em ashtrays were just artificial furniture and no one in "sei bilding" gave a fuck about the carpet or the couch! Was a real freaky kinda place as nearly the whole kitchen had been wall-papered w/ HT-posters. That must have been REAL FUCKIN' FANS! We started our trip to Freiburg and it turned out like a real TRIP, as a matter of fact the bullshit German government never decided to build up one of 'em fantastic Autobahn's there, where you can go by any ridiculous speed you wanna. So we had to move at a snails pace. But finally we made it and arrived way too early at the Crash-club - by the way an awesome (-MAAN) club, really cool 'n hard to describe. The whole staff has been really nice to us and were simply professionals. So were the PA-guys! A brilliant sound was the result as cool for the (supposed to show up) crowd as for us on stage!

As this was said to be a late night gig (by the local promoter Mario:"you have to start late, late") we realized there's no point in playin' before 12.00 or so, but it's hard to argue w/ Captain 'bout running orders. And so, after a nice bass/vox-introduction kinda thing, performed by CAPTAIN himself, we started at 11.00pm

And guess how many people saw the ultimate Glamour-Punx - must have been between 10 to 30! But we really didn't care, had our own fun, a good rehearsal and simply best a time on stage. And when we left stage, surprisingly enough, this average amount of 20 guests started screaming as hell for us. We again decided, as we did in Innsbruck, that there's no point in doin' an encore, but Captain again told us to do so - and we did!

Crazy, insane Captain entered the drum kit and we started the brill 'RAM ONES'-song R'N'R HIGHSCHOOL, but it was awefull. Afterwards we figured that the leader of the pack is of course an incredibly good guitar-player and an even better singer, and he should keep on doin' what he does best - singin' &guitar-playin' - and not drumming!!

Then Captain'n'band started their show and this big fuckin' club filled up to 40 people. It was the most funny gig by them so far as they didn't take the whole shit too serious.

And then, roundabout 1.30am apparently tons'n'tons'n'tons of people arrived and it got totally packed - unfortunately right at the encore of Captain's show. Well, I have to admit we got a bit pissed 'bout this lack of communication, that no one listened to us when we had said: "Let's wait a bit more". But anyways, we had a great time and we got our maximum done: 20 new Teasze-fans.

Day 7 & 8 (Sunday, 11th & Monday, 12th)

Yeah!! No shit!! This is definitely an OFF-day. Well, we're all pissed OFF - we have no room. Andi & Chris had a nice chat about hotels. Then found out it was also today (12th) not just yesterday (11th) that the promoter wasn't paying for -oh well as we all know "we're the support band" (dadadadadada). Anyways we had a few Faxes (that is not one of those inventions of the new industrial generation that helps to communicate - it's simply a beer), got waysted and went to the fun-fair with Captain & all. Fantastic Go-Kart track. Had Chinese then went to check the venue. Moto-Psycho were playin' - no free beer then went to a bus-bar. Went back to the hotels and crashed in the vans until we could check in ('to another world... ...taste a Binding Lager ') at 6.00am on the 12th. Lazy day sleeping a lot. Captain & Crew out all day so far. Great to relax -STOP- 4.30pm and still no beer -STOP- maybe we won't update later -STOP. P.S.: Chris - what a .........................(fill out w/ any insulting word you want) - threw a bag full of trash over the fence when we arrived at the (by the way really nice 4-star-or-so hotel), and the manager of the hotel just walked by this second and guess - he was PISSED OFF. Well, but it was only Frank E. who got all the bullshit straight in the face (as it almost always happens, he's very used to it and got a sick thkin!)

Day 9 (Tuesday, 13th)

MTW - or - MTV. Whatever ? Out of control. Before, we all went Go-Karting; I was crap (Andi) but so was Chris and Frank E.. Everyone else was good coz they'd been a million times before.

Anyways we ended up at the venue pretty much too early. Needless to say - even though everyone denied it - except Chris - had a thousand beers before soundcheck. Gig was pretty cool. We played great. Good audience response - they just didn't go nuts -oh well.

[News bulletin: Manne is now Mandy !] Captain was awesome (whole band - of course); Gary singin', Captain playin' drums. Aftershow stonder-waysteder. After we went back in the hotel it all went out of control. Frank E. didn't take his make up off - even though we tried really hard to wake him. Chris started pissing Gary Crowler Dreadfull off. Thats it.

Trying to wake Chris. Started singing - to the tune of Adams Family - with snapping of fingers. 'Herr Geduld - SNAP SNAP - Herr Geduld'. I'm gonna read this - like I am - to Mandy and Pumuckle - FUCK THEM OUT OF THE ROOM - AND THAT'S IT - FUCKOFF.

They finally left. Great photo's - HA! - of the DEAD MAN WALKING (Chris!!!).

Day 10 (Wednesday, 14th)

After everyone was ready to leave (what almost took like a couple of hours) and Mounty was found we all started on our way to Munster. Captain got so much into that computer kinda technology (especially game boy games and stuff) that the minute we reached this town, right in a big fuckin' traffic jam (well, it was THEE rush hour) we all had to stop immediately at the side of the road, what caused of course even more traffic stopping behind us. And that all coz Captain saw a big sign outside a shop telling 'Computer games & stuff' w/ the subliminal message underneath "CAPTAIN, come in and find out". So we nearly killed one of 'em pedestrians by opening the doors without taking care and Captain got nearly killed by crossing the street without taking care of them things we call cars. This shop seemed to be a blind-making magnet. Of course they didn't have, Captain was lookin' for but anyways we lost 'bout another hour to get to the venue.

The venue was more like some kinda youth club w/ a small stage, but really cool. The only thing that bugged us a lot was the dude they called PA-man. This guy was obviously booked for this show by the fact that he was originally an Englishman (well, not a mad cow!!) but that was it. Maybe he had seen a mixing desk one time in his life on Telly or he heard 'bout the existence on radio, but I guess he never ever tried to DO MUSIC on it before. So it took like 'bout a billion hours till Captain&Crew got some sort of sound together (and today Captain got pissed off, coz of the sound situation and his not happened game-boy-game deal!!). And though we got a real bad sound, let's call it noise, together, the crowd really seemed to be entertained by our performance and didn't care 'bout the crap music. Got a lot o' new fans there.

Hmm, guess Captain got a bad preview for the upcoming shows (if he'd known how right he was) and they played, maybe, their best show. It seemed to me that they played forever (but I might exaggerate coz of all that superb wine I drank). I totally blanked out and so did the rest of 'us band'. But I somehow remember that on the way to the hotel (we of course walked there) Dave decided to lead us. It ended up a bit like in those Monty Python kinda movies and he was always misleading us into different directions, so that at like about 5.00am or 6.00am we reached this hotel.

Well, yeah, somehow I remember a big argue w/ the guy at reception where this guy was that close to be killed by furious Chris. The morning should tell us, how waysted we've been...

Day 11 (Thursday, 15th)

What a horrible morning. Not only that we all got a terrible headache - no, the rooms we woke up were more some sort of hospital-rooms (if you vote by the furniture); well but that fitted perfectly to the headache. I've been the first who got woken up by a fat old lady - no, bitch - at 8.30 in the fuckin' morning. She kinda told me the last call for breakfast (AT 8.30am !!???!!). So I went down to this diner-room and Mounty'n'Captain appeared a couple of minutes later. Then this ready-to-explode-beast-of-woman started pissing off all three of us in a row. Can't describe, how, but she did!!

So we all got a reason to leave that hotel pretty soon (and if everyone would have been ready we could have done). But it took us ages again till everyone was found and imprisoned into the vans.(It is almost like collecting fleas in your hands!!) OK then. This was the hottest day we had to deal with on the whole tour and especially the good old and black painted Teasze-van heated up ridiculously. When we reached Braunschweig it was almost like a maze to find the venue, coz the map we got was a copy of a copy of a fax of a copy where someone crossed the venue out with the biggest marker available. So we ended up totally trapped in a one-way dead-end path in the center of this town without a clue what to do (You see, I love 'meself' rhyming, but that's another story!!).

By any reason the guy they call god helped us, though we're fuckin' punks, and we sorted it all out and found the place. The venue was pretty cool, only the stage seemed to be a bit weird, like really compressed in a small corner. The PA we played on was so far the biggest I've ever seen on one of our gigs and the promotion was very very good, so everyone expected thousands and thousands of people. But it all came out vice versa. We played in front of a crowd of 7 (or so). And it was our worst gig so far. No people and no fun at all, but we did our job. Well, until Captain played, it filled up to roundabout 30 people but that was it. Even they had some problems (like no monitors, no workin' mic for Mounty, some problems w/ the guitar, etc.).

To sum it up... ...it was awful and un-enjoyable. But after the show we had great fun backstage and by some well-known reason I can't remember how we got to our hotel, but I really do guess that me pott-head and old drunk-buddy Andi and me crashed on the backseats of our van till we reached it, while either Mandy or Chris drove and took great care. Well, we had good a party in our room together w/ Gary who turned out as a very good party-dude. Did you (reader !) recognize that nothing got fucked up since the last two days or so? Well, this evening destroyed this very behavior within a second (hmm, I can't get rid of the idea that it all starts, whenever Chris is involved!). Anyways, some bottles and cigarettes must have lost their lives as well as some parts of the furniture (but I'm glad no one threw the b ottle of water that stood there, coz a sign said it'd be 9,-DM, like 5$!!).

Day 12 (Friday, 16th)

Andi 'n me woke up this morning at 'bout 11.00am and we were quite sure that we could RIP breakfast and kiss goodbye. But the second later we remembered fulfilling a form the other day and asking for breakfast on the room at 11.30am. So I decided to have a bit more of a sleep while Andi headed for the shower. At 11.35 it knocked at our door and in half-of-a-sleep I opened it - almost naked. Two nice ladies were totally shocked, but acting some sort of cool, rolling in this huge table w/ all kinds of stuff you need for breakfast, and quickly disappeared (with a smile on the face!). Fuckin' A, what a breakfast!! So afterwards we went down, were Chris was waiting in the lounge, already ripped off w/ some sheets of copies where he had to pay like 'bout 15,-DM for 'em. A minute later Gary came down and got involved in a big massive argue with one of the girls at the reception. The only thing I got was, that he should have paid s.th. like 20,-DM for watching a porn-movie on the room what he denied very offensively. So one word (like bitch) followed the other (like bastard) and we all quickly left the hotel without paying anything at all.
We arrived at the next venue in Enger and were really good in time, so that after a quick soundcheck everyone decided to do somthing on him own. Of course Captain went to the hotel as always. All others were pretty much more into having a beer or two. Well, Chris and me decided (as it was one of the more sunny and hot dayz) to go inline skating to the town. After we came back, there was still so much a time left, that we nearly didn't know how to kill it. But some beers helped while thinkin' about what to do next.

After a good old chat w/ Captain about running orders (we got very much used to it the longer the tour took) we started our show at 9.30pm. And from me very own point of view we did our best one on the whole tour. Everyone went to his limit, though or even because of the heat on stage (you should know, it still was hot outside, but there were some kind of heating tubes running over our heads what made it ridiculous on stage). Although there were not hundreds of people, but still plenty, we convinced 'em and merchandise went at its best. Totally burned out we watched Captain, and we could see him gettin' a bit tired of the tour (what a surprise w/ a support like us!).

Anyways, they've been great. I really do think, Captain&crew are one of them bands you can watch really every evening without getting bored. So after relaxing a bit we all started dancing and smashing around to the brill music of the "Mad Cows And Englishmen". After the s how and a couple of drinks later (hmm, this is getting a bit boring now) I started collecting me guyz together and did a hard job on that. It seemed to be impossible to get Mandy off that smart girl he was hangin' around while getting Chris from the dancefloor and finding Andi who got lost somewhere, at the same time. So after Mandy and Chris were packed away in the van I finally got lucky and found Andi sleeping IN FRONT of our Teasze-van. Good luck, that I saw him, coz I was ready to repark the van so that the Floyds' girls could leave with theirs. Imagine I didn't !! Well then, so we also left the place and went to the hotel, where Chris got a bit pissed off, that we couldn't get in. Something went wrong with the keys, so he started smashing up the mail-box of the hotel and screaming around. But this was of short duration and after finding the right keys to the right doors we all slept like babies!

Day 13 & 14 (Saturday, 17th & Sunday 18th)

We went from Enger to Hamburg and enjoyed our 2 days off. Went to the "Love Parade" that huge Techno-Party; went to the world famous "Reeperbahn" and relaxed almost every minute. Stayed in a private flat. It might sound a bit weird, but the owner of the flat was on holiday or something. Anyways, he left the keys for some total strangers from somewhere, and what makes it even worse: These guys are punks. So he must have expected his home-sweet-home bombed away, or minimum burned down to the ground. (By the way: the house still exists). Now we also had time to do some washing (as not only our show-dresses smelled b enough, you can imagine). Day 15 (Monday, 19th) As we already stayed in Hamburg, there's unfortunately no tour-stories on the trip. So this gig was right in center of this Reeperbahn !! A very, very small club... ...but very cult! It's really hard to describe the setup of the club but we played on some sort of balcony. This venue is by the way the club, where this German band "Ramstein" had produced one of their video-clips, you might know from MTV, VH-1 or VIVA. When I thought the show in Braunschweig was the worst, now I call myself wrong: This show was a bloody hell of a gig. Well, yeah, there were a bunch of people and they seemed to like it, but for us it was a total mess. Most of our gear fucked up at certain points of the show, and everyone of us was, let's say not too much in the right mood. I was glad when our job was done and after talking to one of them newspaper-reporters I decided for a couple of beers downstairs in the backstage area. What a bad mistake. I OF COURSE got locked in for nearly the whole Captain show and the one beer that was left disappeared in seconds. (Mind the upcoming video-clip "I don't wanna be alone!"). I have no clue, if everybody else enjoyed the rest of this evening, but I tell you: I didn't !!!

Day 16 (Tuesday, 20th)

T his was an off day as well, and right now, 'bout two months since this all happened, I definitely can't remember, what happened this day, but I guess it was the day when we went shopping in Hamburg. Ah yeah, now I remember. This evening Gary & Richard came to our flat and partied 'till everybody lost it and passed out. Ha, and we listened to all the classics, like Queen, Ramones and some Black Sabbath and stuff like that. This is the time after tons of drugs and alcohol, when you start enjoying listening to yourself speaking (Andi was on his best). So you can imagine the noise level this night at the flat with neighbors in every direction. That was basically it! Day 17 (Wednesday, 21st) From this day on the tour went outta control. And it all started in the early morning (roundabout 11.00am) on the 21st of May:

Dave called in at our flat and told us there's some problems arising w/ the venue in Berlin (what should be the club this very day). He said that maybe it's gonna be canceled. An hour later he called again and told us a definite cancellation for this evening in Berlin. But we got lucky in a way and still had all our hotel rooms. "OK", we thought, and went to Berlin, still w/ a bad kinda feeling what will happen next. The weather turned out to be a fuckin' mess. When we arrived in Berlin we had a hard time to find our way to the hotel and went straight through the center, the so called Kurfürstendamm. It pissed as shit. Exactly at this point it came to Mounty's mind that it might be a cool way to travel home after the tour by plane. So everyone stopped immediately and I guess we caused the biggest traffic jam, Berlin's ever seen. Even the cops who by definite wanted to supply us with nice tickets weren't able to reach us, coz they got totally stucked in the middle of the traffic. So, Mounty went into this travel agency and got lost there for the next hour. So one after the other decided to go as well and have a look for him. A couple of minutes later almost everyone was gone, and I just thought: What the fuckin' hell am I doin' here ?!? But when all came back, I was only glad that no one smashed in our vans so far. Then Captain came up with this fantastic (??) idea to go shopping for a while. Everyone, who's ever been to Berlin (at 5 to 7 o'clock), might know what bad bad time you could have on the KuDamm if you're lookin' for a place to park. And it still was raining as hell (Did I tell you that the day before Richard fucked up our wipers and while doin' so, telling us: "I can fix it. Hang on!"??). Somehow we made it all happening.

Well, nothing more to say. Afterwards we went to the hotel (still a trip) and everyone individually decided for his own plan on what to do. So Andi, Gary and Dave went to a gas station (or an Italian restaurant) to fetch up some drinks, while Chris enjoyed the night in a small club. Mandy and me went out meeting some friends. Captain OF COURSE stayed in his room, and guess he had pleasure w/ 'em GameBoy-games I'd given to him (he right now !! still has, I just rembered !!!). And I believe that Monty did a great job this night and maybe bet his own record on mileage (he was a great pedestrian !!). Anyways, we all ended up, even Captain, at a party in OF COURSE our room watching The Beavis&Butthead-Special that was on the whole night (Hahhha, that a be cool Beavis!!!). End of story!

Day 18 (Thursday, 22nd)

This day we went all the way down through the eastern part of Germany (well, yeah, some motorways are still a bit fucked) and headed for Plauen. It was a tiny little village where they set up a sign that tells you to stop, coz one more step and you gonna fall into deep space. We reached the club and the first thing that happened was Captain being pissed off, coz all of them posters that were pinned in the backstage room have been pretty much bigger than his own one. But it should have come worse for him. The guy at the mixing console left a bit of the impression that he was more some sort of a trainee in being the house cleaner than being the important PA-dude. It took us all 'bout 6 hours (!!!) doin' the soundcheck. This guy was simply horrible. Telling him to increase volume of the vocals on the monitor ended up with a muted snare on the house. Well, let's keep it short: No people (and when I say NO people I'm talkin' about 1 or 2 plus staff). So we had a good rehearsal as well as Captain&crew. But we enjoyed one more time ourselves. Later on this girl from the local newspaper who did an interview on us, told me, that most people read in 'em scene-mags about the gig. But they compared the name CAPTAIN with that German Tekkno-dude "Captain Jack". And most eastern Germans can't deal with that Tekkno-crap. Well, that's what she said. So I got a good impression what will come up the next shows.

One of the positive aspects on this venue was the fact that they got stored a billion beers backstage. So we all had greatest a fun after the show (only Captain still felt sad on the poster situation). Andi'n'me lost it one more time on the backseats of our van on the way to the hotel while Chris had worst time finding it. But the party continued as Gary was accidentally forced to crash in our room (together with Mandy, Andi and me). So we set up one of 'em instant kinda beds for him (you know, that stuff you'd never use to sleep in, coz of the danger in fuckin' yourself up!). It took us 'bout an hour to get it down, but 5min's later (and we all were glad that we somehow made it), daddy CAPTAIN came in and it took him one bounce on Gary on the bed to smash it up irreversibly. Well, it was fun for us, who weren't involved.

Day 19 (Friday, 23rd)

We went to Leipzig, in my opinion one of the most fucked up cities in Germany (never even wanna travel there). We got stucked in a million traffic jams on our way, coz of the bad infrastructure. But the club was easy to find and so we've been way too early. The club was awesome. It was that huge, that we decided on playin' soccer in there to kill the time till soundcheck. We set up two teams, well of course. The team TeaszeGirls vs. FloydGirls. TeaszeGirls won 5:1 !! I can keep it short again: Cool club, good promotion, professional staff, incredible catering - and no fuckin' people. So this time we decided to be more punk than we usually are. Started w/ MY WAY and tried to be as fast as possible on any song. Them 5 spectators have been entertained in a major way. And they fuckin' loved us. Captain's show went as great as ours and they didn't give a fuck as well. Amazing!! After a couple - no, crates - of drinks I blanked out. The other day I was told that on the way to the hotel all girls smashed up a gas station just for the cause and the lady at the check-out was scared to death. And pretty much the same happened to the hotel we stayed in.

Day 20 (Saturday, 24th)

The morning I woke up and felt bad and sad either way. On the one hand I knew the tour will be over this very night... ...on the other hand I was still dead , coz of them tons of drinks the other day. Anyways, after NOT having a breakfast in a ruin of a hotel (just coz they closed the breakfast area the minute before we appeared) and for that reason fuckin' up some of the furniture (what really didn't make any difference to me) we went to Cottbus. Right now I'm just gonna copy and paste the sentence of the chapter above (on my high-tech-machine): Cool club, good promotion, professional staff, incredible catering - and no fuckin' people. But we both bands gave our best and went to the limit one more time (what usually doesn't make any sense if there's no people). We must have been that fantastic, that the merchandise was doin' really good this evening (imagine if there's like 5 people and you sell 'bout 7 cd's and a couple of shirts!!). The 'Bout-Two-Weeks-Party continued this night and couldn't find an end at the hotel, where Gary again had to stay in our room (but this time in his own bed). I bet only Monty wasn't feelin' to good with his room, coz roundabout 6.00am he came in and crashed (half-naked) on the floor of ours without sayin' any word, and we wondered! The next day he was totally confused and asked everyone who made him doin' this. Weird, isn't it?

Day 21 (Sunday, 25th)

This was the sad day when we had to split. Everyone had to go home in different directions and in different ways. Captain & Monty wanted to go to Berlin and get their planes. Andi, Dave, Gary & Richard to England in the good old Ford Transit. And the rest in the direction south. We all got best a friends on the tour and it is a waste of time to describe the feelings we all had. But we madesure that we're gonna meet again at "Farmer Phil's Festival" in England where Captain&crew wanted us to support 'em one more time. But that's another story. ....and we all went back home after the Most-A-Fun-Tour '97 !

THE END!

(Written by Frank E. except Day 7,8 & 9 and ULM supplement on Day 5 by Andi Hill in May and July 1997)